One of my favorite authors is joining Spooky Legends today: Jess Haines, author of the fantastic H & W Investigations urban fantasy series. If you haven’t met and fallen for her characters yet, just wait until you hear them discussing Butt Spiders. Jess has a new story in THE REAL WEREWIVES OF VAMPIRE COUNTY anthology along with Alexandra Ivy, Angie Fox, and Tami Dane (available now from Kensington Books), and thanks to her publisher, you can win a copy. See details below.
Click to see the Spooky Legends Master List with links to all the previous posts and giveaways
Shiarra Waynest Talks About Butt Spiders
Hello there! Jess Haines here. I’m the author of the urban fantasy H&W; Investigations series (HUNTED BY THE OTHERS, TAKEN BY THE OTHERS, and DECEIVED BY THE OTHERS). Shiarra Waynest, the lead character, and some of her friends are here to tell you a little bit about butt spiders. Over to you, Shia!
Shiarra: …uhh. What?
Arnold: I’ve heard of these! They hide under your toilet seat and jump out to bite you on the ass when you sit down.
Chaz: Oh, yeah. I remember hearing about these. They’re creepier than camel spiders.
Shiarra: Camel spiders? What?
Royce: Don’t listen to those two. The information about the spiders hiding under toilet seats was false.
Arnold: Whoa. I just had a thought. What if it was a camel spider hiding under the toilet seat?
Chaz: Dude. Epic.
Shiarra: I still don’t get what you guys are talking about. Why are they called camel spiders?
Royce: I presume because they live in the desert, much like their namesake.
Chaz: I thought it was because they’re practically the size of a camel.
Arnold: Oh, come on. They’re big, but they’re not that big.
Chaz: That’s what your mom said last night.
Arnold: That’s what your mom’s face said. Burn!
Royce: Ms. Waynest, explain to me one more time why you spend time with these ingrates?
Shiarra: It’s a mystery for the ages.
Arnold: That wasn’t very nice.
Shiarra: Yeah, well, you guys are talking about spiders. It’s gross.
Chaz: I heard a camel spider killed a dog once.
Royce: I find that doubtful. Most species of camel spider are not actually venomous.
Shiarra: How do you know so much about spiders? Wouldn’t think you’d be worried about being bitten by them, being all undead and stuff.
Royce: Some of the people in my office delight in forwarding me email chain letters.
Arnold: Wow, really?
Royce: Yes. Unfortunately.
Arnold: That was how I heard about the spiders hiding under toilet seats. Apparently, the original email was a hoax, but there’s a real type of poisonous spider in Australia that does like to hide under toilet seats.
Chaz: I’m not surprised. Australia seems to be where most of the poisonous and deadly crap in the animal kingdom comes from.
Arnold: Want to hear something really scary?
Royce: I doubt it will be that frightening, but go on.
Arnold: I once heard that someone found a giant spider on their toilet paper roll. It nearly bit their hand off.
Shiarra: Oh, please. I’ll believe in butt spiders before I believe in that.
Royce: That is a truly silly name for a spider.
Shiarra: Whatever. I’m out of here. I need to go buy every can of Raid I can find.
Chaz: Heh. Butt spider.
You can learn more about Shiarra and the rest of her friends in HUNTED BY THE OTHERS . If you’d like a chance to win THE REAL WEREWIVES OF VAMPIRE COUNTY, leave a comment below telling us what kind of weird, silly, or scary spider stories you’ve heard!
Thanks again for having me and the gang over, Abigail! It’s always a blast. 😉
Have a safe and very Happy Halloween to everyone!
About the author:
Jess Haines is a displaced New Yorker with a penchant for the silly, the obscure, and the fantastical. Los Angeles is home for the time being, since it consistently meets her daily quota of strange. She’s currently working on the H&W; Investigations urban fantasy series. Find out more about Shiarra Waynest, drop her a line, or join her mailing list at www.jesshaines.com!
Want to read more from Jess Haines?
Giveaway provided by Kensington
Available now from Kensington Books
Drama. Scandal. Secrets. And a whole lot of supernatural goings-on.
I’m Pureblood Were, And Proud Of It. . .
"Where Darkness Lives" by Alexandra Ivy
No one’s more surprised than Sophia when she’s struck by an unfamiliar maternal urge to move near her daughters. But instead of being greeted by a welcome committee, she’s targeted by kidnappers. . .and saddled with a gorgeous bodyguard on a mission to protect—and seduce. . .
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Who’s Afraid Of The Big, Bad Werewolves? Not Me, That’s For Sure. . .
"What’s Yours is Mine" by Jess Haines
Still Waters is like many other exclusive gated communities—except that it’s home to one of the largest werewolf packs in the state. But Tiffany Winters isn’t frightened of her big, bad new neighbors. In fact, she intends to take her place among the pack. . .
This Is A Town Full Of Secrets. And I Intend To Uncover All Of Them…
"Werewolves in Chic Clothing" by Tami Dane
Ever since Christine Price moved in with her fiancé, Jonathan, and his twelve year-old son, she’s worked hard to fit in with a cadre of local women whose lives seem picture-perfect. Except no one in Jon’s upscale neighborhood is quite who they appear to be. Least of all Jon. . .
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**Don’t forget to visit Dark Faerie Tales today for her Spooky Legends guest blog with Amanda Bonilla and a chance to win SHAEDES OF GRAY**